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danzcrayz

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what does that MEAN? the fucking thing sucks [Jun. 5th, 2008|09:14 pm]
danzcrayz
[latest sounds |guided by voices: my valuable hunting knife]

i'm assuming that by now most of you have watched bill o'reilly's outtake from inside edition which has flourished among the youtube and comedy central crowds.  if you have not yet seen it, i highly recommend taking 2 minutes out of your day and watching it, and prepare to stitch up your side. it's a splitter.  here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tJjNVVwRCY. i also highly recommend watching the comedy central version from the colbert report. i'd give a direct link to it but the best i can do is the comedy central webpage: www.comedycentral.com, because they don't have direct links to their videos. type in 'bill o'reilly' and it will be the first thing that comes up.

i keep thinking about this glorious outtake as i continue on my hunt for a job which will help me pay off some minor credit card debt, and start seriously saving again so that i have some freedom for my next adventure, whatever that may be (no i have not committed to one yet. surprise surprise).

par example, i came close to a screaming, throwing, breaking-things fit when i read this job description as passed onto me from some recruiters with whom i'm considered a 'candidate' for which i had to fill out a 'profile.'  i will be interviewing for this position next monday. i have 2 other interviews schedule already, and possibly a fourth.  at any rate, here are some of the fit-inducing bulletpoints from one of the aforementioned jobs forwarded to me by 'recruitment agents':

-compile & input data to maintain seasonal product information databases.
-work closely with creative team to assist in creation and maintenance of creative product databases.
-work closely with Website merchandising team to ensure correct site layout of information.
-interface with inventory management and merchandising teams to ensure site data integrity and correct product set-up.
-create and maintain change forms to ensure database consistency working closely with Creative team.
-interface with site managers, project management, and e-technology team for timely database uploads, site deployments, and reporting of issues.
-manage database uploads to merchant preview, dev, and QA testing environments.
-review creative content for product data integrity.
-coordinate and participate in weekly site taesting in order to ensure correct data integrity.
-coordinate the archiving of Website seasonal features, functionality, and products.
-other projects as assigned.

now, for my scream-o edits.

#1 why CAPITALIZE 'Creative' but not TEAM, 'Website' but not MERCHANDISING TEAM, and thusly why are 'site managers, project management, and [the] e-technology team' not given the same RESPECT OF CAPITALIZATION?

-compile & input data [COMPILE FROM WHAT? FROM WHERE? SURELY I GET ANOTHER FUCKING BULLETPOINT TO EXPLAIN THE PRE-'COMPILE' SOURCE???THERE MUST BE A 'LIAISON' OR 'INTERFACE' THAT COULD BE USED HERE, SURELY]

-'correct site layout of information.'  HOW ABOUT 'accurate merchandise layout'-THAT SAYS IT ALL-INCLUDES PRICES, PRODUCT INFORMATION, ETC. 'SITE LAYOUT OF INFORMATION' is redundant. if you make sure the 'SITE LAYOUT' is correct, then thusly, the INFORMATION [which deals with merchandise] ON IT MUST BE CORRECT TOO

-'INTERFACE WITH...' INTERFACE as a verb has only been used since 1962 according to Merriam-Webster.  this alone is shocking news to me. at any rate, i have a hard time imagining myself as someone who can 'interface,' due to the fact that i'm made of flesh, bones, blood, and a lot of water, and the term 'interface' is something i use with reference to either sewing or technology.  is there something so wrong with 'LIAISE' or 'COORDINATE?' or are we supposed to de-humanize ourselves into computers such that we adjust our verb usage to make us sound more 'tech-oriented?'

-'REPORTING OF ISSUES. how about we take 3 words and turn them into one: TROUBLESHOOTING

-'CORRECT PRODUCT SETUP' what PRODUCT? do you mean THE FUCKING WEBSITE or the products advertised/sold ON the fucking website? if it is the website, say 'WEBSITE' not product. since i know this website deals with multiple productS, then please, do us a favor and MAKE IT PLURAL

-'PRODUCT DATA INTEGRITY' how about 'ACCURATE DATA.' all the data here is in reference to 'THE PRODUCT' (whatever that is) and i REALLY don't think the term 'INTEGRITY' is necessary here. although technically it is a correct use of the term, i think it's DOUCHE-Y (yes i made up a word while complaining about a job description).

-'ENSURE CORRECT DATA INTEGRITY.'  well suckers, if you've been doing such a good job with the BULLET POINT ABOVE THIS ONE then this one wouldn't be necessary. even so, as it is apparently a necessary part of this entire evil, how about you REMOVE THE REDUNDANT WORD 'CORRECT' BECAUSE IF IT HAS 'INTEGRITY' THEN IT IS INCORRUPTIBLE AND THEREFORE 'CORRECT.'

-'OTHER PROJECTS AS ASSIGNED' like rewording this fucking piece of shit for the next potential employee because

I QUIT.
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